An Introduction to Paddles: Safety, size and materials

For lovers of impact play, there are a few favourites. Spankings, are of course, a classic. Yet paddles, in all their shapes, sizes and materials, come close. Paddles are great for covering a larger area than hands; they are also easier on the top in the long run. Many impact scenes usually begin with a spanking and graduate up to paddles to increase the intensity.

Paddles, unlike whips or floggers, are generally considered safe and easy to use. However, just like a hand spanking, there are risks to using them (yes, even though they’re tons of fun). Knowledge of safe paddling techniques, along with the different types of paddles that exist, can help you make this both a safe and pleasurable activity for all partners involved.

The Basics of Paddling Safety

Before you engage in any kind of impact play, it’s important to understand the body and how it works. Large areas with lots of fat and muscle – like the bum – are great for impact play because they are usually far from essential organs.

In other words, avoid hitting the front part of the body, along the spine, the neck, the face, or the head. Beginners can easily keep their impact play to the buttocks and upper thighs until they get more practice and gain more knowledge of the body.

On the buttocks themselves, there are parts that are more and less painful. Most of the impact should be on the middle of the buttocks, at their apex, and lower. Hitting higher than the apex (roundest, most prominent part) can cause damage to the tailbone and the kind of the pain that bottoms don’t tend to enjoy.

Of course, as with all BDSM play, using safe words between trusted partners is essential. This means a thorough negotiation and getting to know each other beforehand. Also, ensure that your toys are in good condition. Discard anything that seems broken or unsafe.

Types of Paddles

There are two general types of paddles: straight paddles and slappers. Paddles are the things you imagine: one piece, in a rectangular or round shape, usually made of leather, but also made in wood or plastic.

Slappers are like two paddles put together in layers. When you hit someone with it, the top layers “slap” against the bottom layers, creating extra impact. They’re a little bit more intense, and a little bit more painful.

You’ll also find paddles with and without holes. Paddles with holes are more intense and painful because of the lower amount of air friction between the object and the person’s skin. It means that you can hit harder, with less effort. Beginners should stick to full, no-hole paddles until they have a good sense of their strength and how to control it

Paddle Sizes

Remember: the smaller the impact area, the more painful it will be. It’s better to use larger implements for a warm-up, and then move on to smaller ones to inflict more localized pain. Also, warming up gets the blood flow started and the endorphins going, which makes it easier to handle more painful toys down the road.

Of course, even a large paddle can hurt a lot if you hit hard enough, but a good rule of thumb is moving from larger to smaller impact size for a good progression through the spanking.

Paddle Materials

Most mass-market paddles you will find in sex stores are made of faux leather covering a cardboard or soft plastic core. This is a good choice for beginners, as the lighter core makes for a lighter impact, and faux leather softens the blow a little. Paddles with softer cores can be flexed or bent a little.

Real leather stings more, and the harder and less flexible the core, the more painful the impact.

Hard materials like wood and Perspex (a type of plastic) are much less forgiving. If you decide to use wood, make sure that the wood is treated and properly varnished; otherwise, you may end up with very painful and dangerous wood splinters. If you notice a split in your wood paddle, stop using it immediately.

Sturdy and resistant fiberglass and Perspex are excellent materials for more advanced players. They don’t break easily, and they provide quite a sting in the right hands.

Never, ever use objects made of cheap plastic or glass. Glass, especially, can cause severe injuries when broken against skin.

Read: 8 Tips for Buying Your First Spanking Paddle

Ready? Get Paddling!

Now that you know a little more about impact safety and the features of different paddles, you can begin exploring new horizons in impact play. Have fun!

Erotic Spanking 101

Why Spanking Is Sensual

Some people think spanking a lover’s a bit odd, or even taboo, but a good spanking in the bedroom certainly has its perks. In fact, ever since the release of “Fifty Shades of Grey” a few years ago, an increasing number of people have been showing an interest in this type of kinky play.

In fact, according to statistics published by the British Sexual Fantasy Research Project (seriously, how cool is that?) in 2007, 18% of British men and 7% of British women fantasize about spanking someone, while 11% of men and 13%of women fantasize about being spanked. (Sadly, Americans don’t appear to be kinky enough to slap some stats together on spanking, but you can bet your ass it has it fans on this side of the pond too.)

Why spanking, you ask? Well, it feels good, darn it! Unlike other erogenous zones, the buttocks are fleshy and fatty. For most people, this means that a decent amount of pressure on the bottom is not only tolerable, but also necessary in order to bring on pleasurable sensations. And, because the old derrière is, for many people, an erotic zone, a good spank can be the best way to fire it up. The act of spanking itself also has not-so-subtle tones of dominance and submission, which can be oh-so-sexy in and of itself. (Check out A Beginner’s Guide to Submission for more sexy insight.)

If you’re looking to add a little spice to your sex life or want a taste of some soft-core BDSM, spanking might be just the thing for you and your partner. The right approach and techniques, however, are key components for making a good spanking a sexy thing.

Talk First, Spank Later

Communication is essential if you’re looking to give your partner a few sharp slaps – or receive some yourself. An unexpected spanking can be a real slap in the face if the feeling isn’t mutual. Before you bring out the whips and paddles, bring up spanking casually with your partner to feel things out. Then, you can discuss how you both feel about spanking, and maybe give it a try.

Think this sounds awkward? So, will giving your partner a smack he or she doesn’t want. Consent is essential. Plus, discussing what you want to do to each other is great foreplay! (Find out how to broach to topic in Yes! Why Consent Is Totally Sexy.)

Play by the Rules

Spanking can be painful, both physically and emotionally. A lot of people love to play with the boundaries of pain, punishment and pleasure, but setting some rules beforehand is essential. In fact, those who enjoy BDSM live by this rule. So, discuss your limits. Tell your partner what you’re willing to try. And then tell them what you absolutely won’t do. Then listen to get that same information from your partner.

Of course, you aren’t looking to hurt anyone (much), but injury is possible. That’s why a safe word is essential. This is a word or phrase that you would not normally say during sex. The colours of a traffic light – red, yellow, and green – make an excellent safe word system and are used widely in the BDSM community. “Red” means all activity should stop immediately; “yellow” means slow down or ease up. “Green,” of course, means get your spank on!

Set the Mood

Like any erotic activity, it’s important to set the mood before you let loose on your partner’s behind. If he or she isn’t sufficiently aroused, the spanking won’t be erotic, just painful – and not in a good way.

It’s best to go slow and let the festivities progress naturally. Start with a little cuddling and kissing, then progress to foreplay. A little hint of dirty talk can really help set the mood too, especially if someone is being particularly naughty. (Find out what to say and how to say it in Talk Dirty to Me: The Why and How of Hot Aural Sex.)

Get in On the Act

Role-playing isn’t necessary if you want to explore your spanking fantasy, but it sure can be a fun way to add to the overall experience. In fact, it may be easier to be the spanker or the spankee when you take the time to get into character.

Any type of dominance and submission role-playing is perfect for a night of spanking. Some prime examples include master and slave, teacher and student, or daddy and little girl role-playing. Only you know what kind of storyline moves you, so get creative.

Assume the Position

When it comes to spanking positions, you have a lot to choose from. Probably the most common spanking position is the over-the-knee position. Here, the spankee is draped over the spanker’s lap. It’s intimate, simple and sexy.

Of course, there’s more than one way to flog a friend. If the over-the-knee position isn’t doing it for you, there are several more to choose from. Try having the spankee lean over a piece of furniture, stand and lean against the wall, kneel on their hands and knees, or lie face-down on the bed or floor. There is even sex furniture designed specifically for spanking!

Get Warmed Up

Spankers: Start slow. It’s best to warm your partner up a little before any real walloping begins. Start with light and gentle caresses first. If you partner responds well, you can work your way up to gentle swats, and finally to a good, full-blown spanking.

Experiment with Technique

Not all spanking techniques are created equal, and a little experimenting in this area will help you and your partner find the ones that work best. Spanking techniques can be changed up every so often by varying the shape of the hand, intensity and speed of your strikes. For example, cupping your hand while spanking will usually result in a duller, deeper thud rather than the stinging sensation that usually results from spanking with a flat palm. Alternating between caresses and swats, or firmly grasping the buttocks at the end of each stroke are also great ways to mix it up a bit. Also, don’t be afraid to experiment with following through with your swats as opposed to letting the hand bounce off the buttocks slightly, as each of these methods produce totally different sensations. Above all, listen to how your partner responds and react to it. (You can also use a paddle? Learn about the difference between a wood, silicone or leather spanking paddle here.)

Don’t Be a Masochist

An erotic spanking should be … well, erotic. Be sure to incorporate some sensual action into the spanking, especially as you gage your partner’s passion for pain. For instance, you could lightly scratch, tickle, or rub the buttocks between spanks, or stroke the anus or genitals while spanking. With a little practice and the proper training, it may be possible to make someone orgasm from spanking alone!

Play Safe

Pain can be pleasure, but injury means you’ve gone too far. Always keep spanking to the fleshy area of the buttocks. Spanking on bony areas, such as the tail bone and hip bones, can be rather painful and even leave ugly bruises. Never, ever spank a partner just above the buttocks, as this can result in spinal or kidney trauma.

The partner being spanked shouldn’t be afraid to communicate during spanking sessions and be willing to tell their spanker when it’s too much. The spanker should also respect the spankee’s boundaries and stop spanking when the safe word is uttered.

Don’t Forget to Cuddle

The period following a spanking session is just as important as the spanking itself. This is a time to relax, unwind, and discuss what you both liked – and didn’t like. If the spanking session was particularly intense, a little cuddling may be in order. A warm bubble bath or cool washcloth on the buttocks is also very soothing and can be an excellent way to bond after a spanking session.

Getting Cheeky with It

Spanking can be exciting, arousing and oh-so-sensual. If a little (or a lot) of pain is your pleasure of choice, you might want to bend over and give spanking a try. Or maybe deliver a swat or two to your partner.

Flogging 101

Safety First!

So, you think you already know everything there is to know about playing safely? Well sorry folks, but we’re not buying it!

First things first; practice makes perfect! Make sure you perfect your aim and technique before you hit them with the hard sell. If done incorrectly, a flogging can result in ‘wrapping’. This is when the tips of the tails overlap the desired area, causing injury elsewhere. This can potentially be extremely dangerous. Until you are confident that your aim is accurate, it is worth protecting vulnerable areas with clothes, blankets or towels.

If you are using restraints for your scene, please keep an eye out for indications that there may be a circulatory problem. These include a change in colour, a loss of sensation, or a drop-in temperature. If you notice any of these symptoms, or anything else that is unusual, please stop immediately.

We know those tails are wagging but it’s important not to get too carried away, so please try to restrain yourself!


  • Avoid the tailbone, spine, kidneys, face and neck
  • Protect sensitive spots with clothing, blankets, towels or pillows
  • Aim your flogger so that the tips land first to avoid ‘wrapping’
  • Be gentle with the soles of the feet, calves, genitals and breasts
  • Stop if you notice any symptoms of circulatory problems


  • Choose a heavy flogger with long tails
  • Choose a flogger with braided, beaded or knotted tails (you can work your way up to these)
  • Use your flogger with multiple partners
  • Play without practicing on a pillow/towel rack first

Choosing the best flogger for you, your bottom and occasion

A flogger is a sadistic tool of torment comprising of a handle and multiple lengthy tails, also known as falls.

You probably know by now that there are two common sensations associated with spanking. One is ‘stingy’ and the other is ‘thuddy’. A sting is felt on the surface of the skin, whereas a thud is a much deeper pain that feels like being pushed or poked hard in the ‘sweet spot’. So, what characteristics determine whether your bottom will be on the receiving end of a thud or a sting? Well, the more tails the flogger has, and the wider they are, the greater the thud. Conversely, a light flogger, with very few narrow tails will deliver a satisfying sting. Beginners should steer clear of heavy floggers with a great number of tails, as they can be quite difficult to control. Some floggers have extremely soft tails which are more suited to those that enjoy a gentle massage or some supreme sensation play.

So now know what to look for in your flogger, we’re not taking the fall if you make the wrong choice!


We know that you guys aren’t materialistic, but there are certain facts that need to be addressed before you pick out your flogger! So, just to make things easy, we’ve broken down the different materials and types to help you make your choice:

    • A rubber flogger will bounce of your bottom’s skin with a satisfying sting. Well renowned for its severity, it is only for those who are more experienced. It may even cause abrasions and cuts, so take care and follow our spanking safety tips. You’ve got to have real balls to give this a go!
    • Are you a real animal when it comes to your BDSM scene? Then a leather/faux leather flogger could be the perfect choice for you. This type of flogger hits hard and is designed to bruise the ego as well as the skin.
    • Everyone loses control now and then, right? Well, it’s certainly not recommended for your flogging scene. So, steer clear of a PVC flogger unless you’ve had lots of practice beforehand. PVC is rigid making it a little difficult to manage; however, it is durable and long lasting so you could potentially make a life-long friend.
    • Gently does it! A suede flogger may look like a softie but be careful not to mess with it; it also has a real sting in its tail. Ideal to ease beginners into the wonderful world of flogging, it is also the perfect choice for sensation play enthusiasts.
    • The material may be synthetic, but the experience will be anything but! Nylon floggers are durable and much easier to clean than many other materials. When looped, it will produce either a stingy or thuddy sensation depending upon the thickness of the tails. Play safely though; this is bound to be a cutting experience for your bottom!
    • So, you’ve successfully roped your bottom into getting a severe flogging? Well congratulations, you’re in for a real treat. A rope flogger can be gentle or stingy, depending on how you use it. But be sure to wait until you’re a little more experienced before tying the knot!
    • You may be ready for the ride of your life, but it’s important not to gallop before you can walk! Horsehair floggers can deliver a sharp sting; however, each individual hair has tiny barbs which can cut the skin, so use with care. We may be flogging a dead horse here, but this is not an ideal choice for beginners.
    • Are you ready to break free from societal ‘norms’ and engage in some fabulous flagellation? Well, a chain flogger promises not to disappoint. Although it has a real sting in its tails, it also guarantees some supreme sensation play. Tease and please as that cold metal moves slowly over every inch of your bottom’s body. For electrifying pleasure, why not add a violet wand to your play?
  • If you’re concerned that things may get a little hairy, a fur flogger could be just the solution for you! Perfect when it comes to some sumptuous sensation play, it can also be used to cool things down after an intense spanking scene. A flogger of this kind is typically made from rabbit fur or a similar synthetic material, so there’ll be no need for digging when you introduce it to your bottom.

Flogger Types

  • For those astute flogging pupils, you may wish to try a martinet. However, for those that are just starting out, this a device that should be avoided at all costs. Don’t let looks fool you; it may be small, but it is a fierce little weapon. All orders will be obeyed when a martinet is present.
  • For those that enjoy a well-balanced diet of flogging and other BDSM activities! Balanced floggers are designed so that the handle counteracts the weight of the tails, putting less strain on the flogging wrist. This is often an important design feature for those that take their flagellation seriously. There are two main types of balanced flogger; one is fancy and the other is shot loaded.
  • If you don’t want your bottom telling you to “Get knotted”, we’d recommend steering clear of a braided/knotted flogger until you’re a little more experienced. This type of flogger will add to the sting and intensity of your whole experience.
  • Cats may have nine lives, but after one scene with a cat o’ nine tails you’re certain to feel as though you’ve died and gone to heaven! Typically, a cat o’ nine tails has less falls than other floggers, and they can usually be counted at a single glance. For this reason, they are particularly stingy. So, beware; bottoms may scratch!
  • So, you’re ready to play hardball? Well, a ball handle flogger not only allows for easy grip and control, it aids wrist movement making it easier to perfect that terrifying technique. Usually sold in pairs, ball handle floggers are ideal for dual wielding (two handed flogging), which makes them suited to the more advanced among us. So, make sure you wait until you’re completely ready before giving it a go. That is if you think can handle it!
  • It’s probably best to steer clear of this type of flogger until you’re a little more experienced. That is if you want to avoid an offensive hand gesture, accompanied by an instruction to go and “swivel”! A swivel handle flogger is easy to use and doesn’t put too much pressure on the wrist. This makes it relatively easy to control and minimises the need to twist and flip the tails. However, it can be a little difficult to perfect technique, so make sure you practice (a lot) prior to your play.
  • Want to add a little beauty to your brawn? Well poi handle floggers will certainly do just that! For dual wielding with a difference, this type of flogger is certainly the most artistic method of delivery. Built for ease of movement and comfortable grip, the lightweight design means that it will fly, landing with a real sting. Please don’t use poi handle floggers until you are 100% confident in your technique.


Positions, positions! Yes, there certainly are a few in which to endure a ferocious flogging. However, let’s first explore the optimum stance for the flog-ger rather than the flog-ee. You may want to warm up those quads and practice those squats, because this position is somewhat like that of a fencer. Firstly, lunge in the direction of your bottom, with the nearest foot pointing towards them. The rear foot should be pointing outwards. Slightly bend the knees to facilitate easy movement. This will allow you to move into the strokes, putting a greater deal of force behind them.

A popular choice when it comes to flogging is restrained, particularly from a door, St. Andrew’s cross, or a frame. Not only does this add to the scene, it keeps the bottom in place so that when they start flying there is less risk of injury due to unexpected movement.

Before you get your heart set on a position of choice, where exactly is your ‘sweet spot’? The buttocks, upper thighs, and shoulder blades are the most common choices; however, the soles of the feet, calves, genitals, chest and breasts are also popular spots. If you choose one of the latter, stick to swift gentle hits, we don’t want you damaging that muscle tissue.


It’s all in the technique! And when it comes to a faultless flogging, there certainly are a few. Firstly, why not ramp up the sensation aspect of your play? Sadistically swing that flogger in a circular motion, allowing it to cut through the air. Move it closer to the bottom, so it is merely inches away from their skin. Allow them to feel the air move against their skin and to hear that terrifying sound as the flogger makes its way towards them. You could even let them smell it for added sensual gratification.

Some people choose to dish out their corporal punishment in sets. In between sets the bottom will rest. What better time to gently brush the tails of the flogger between the legs and stimulate the genitals, or softly stroke your fingers over their skin? It’s a good idea to have a little water spray or fan at the ready so that you can cool things down from time to time. After the well-deserved break, you may find that you can resume with much harder hits.

Don’t forget; be gentle when you’re first starting out. It’s vital to use slow and mild strokes, allowing the tails to lightly fall on the bottom’s skin. A good grip is a must so that you can maintain an optimum level of control. So, hold on tight, because this is going to be one hell of a ride!

    • Sting & Thud – Who doesn’t love change? Well it may be scary, but it’s certainly fun. As its name suggests this technique simply means to alternate between the two different flogging sensations; stingy and thuddy. This can either be achieved using two different floggers, or simply by altering the way in which the flogger strikes the skin. You should by now have some idea of which features to look for, and how to attack the skin, depending on your chosen sensation (lift before impact for a sting, press down for a thud). Not only does this technique give some much-needed respite when one sensation becomes too much, it also keeps that naughty bottom guessing.
    • Cyclic/Rhythmic – There’s no point in going around and around in circles here; you already know that flogging is indeed a painful punishment. However, creating patterns can be particularly painful/pleasurable and somewhat hypnotic. For those that lack rhythm, have no fear; you’ll have perfected those all-important moves in no time. When we refer to cyclic/rhythmic, we specifically mean the use of patterns. This could vary from simple circles, which with little practice could see you alternating between areas (for example, right to left butt cheek or right to left shoulder blade) in no time, to creating a figure of 8 or other more elaborate patterns. A figure of 8 can be produced with a downward diagonal stroke (at 2 o’clock) on the right-hand side, and then by mirroring the same movement opposite.
    • Dual wielding/Florentine – For double the pleasure/pain! Please do not attempt two handed flogging until you are completely certain that you have perfected your technique. It is vital that you go slowly and gradually work your way up to this style of flogging. Don’t forget; practice makes perfect, so have your pillow at the ready.  The Florentine (four or six point) is an advanced dual wielding technique which involves the rhythmic use of a pair of matching floggers (either identical or weighing the same) in a downward stroke on the back. They are pulled upwards quickly to avoid the spinal area and kidneys. There are many internet resources which demonstrate /instruct how to perform the Florentine correctly. Other dual wielding techniques include a two-handed figure of 8.
    • Happy ending – No, we’re not talking in a Thai massage parlour! The bottom is likely to be floating around in subspace during their flogging, so how you bring them back to reality is very important. If it’s time for the scene to end, or you’re ready to move onto bigger and better things, choose some way of involving them in the decision. Some Tops ask the bottom to choose a number between one and twenty. This is the number of hits they will give them before ending play. Others simply dictate the amount or have the bottom signal in some way when they are happy to finish. Whichever method you choose, each allows the bottom to come to terms that their punishment is nearly over.

Flogger care & Storage

So, how do you plan to look after your flogger? Come on, don’t leave us hanging! Oh… you want us to tell you?!

It can be rather difficult to keep floggers clean, not least because the majority, if not all, of the materials used to make them are porous. This means that they can harbour bacteria and potentially transmit infections. For this reason, we advise against sharing your flogger with multiple partners. Although unlikely to draw blood, it is always better to be safe than sorry.

Like you, we love all things dirty 😉 However, it’s essential to clean your flogger after every use so that it’s ready to play whenever you are. Never submerge it in water, simply wipe down with either hot, soapy water or a bleach solution (one-part bleach to ten parts water). Alternatively, you can sterilize it using antibacterial toy cleaner or alcohol swabs.

Floggers made from leather or suede may need to be conditioned with a specialised cream. However, some can discolour the material, so it’s worth testing on a small patch before lavishing it aplenty. Some people find treating their suede flogger with Nubuck helps to keep it in tip top condition.

Horsehair floggers also require special care. The hair can be washed with liquid soap and warm/hot water, which you can then blot dry and brush with a wide toothed comb.

Dry your flogger out slowly and naturally, otherwise it could crack and become rigid. It should be stored hung up in a well-ventilated place to avoid kinking. Try to ruffle the tails every now and again too. This will stop it from stiffening up. It’s also worth sprinkling rubber floggers with talc occasionally. This will stop the falls from sticking together.

Take good care of your flogger and it will last a lifetime.

Homemade Sex Toys & DIY sex toys

Homemade sex toys and DIY sex toys can seem a little scary – especially if you’ve read some truly awful stories about people using household items during sex and suffering the consequences. Good quality sex toys need to be made from body-safe materials so that you and your vulva are kept in tip top condition.

But that doesn’t mean DIY and homemade sex toys are totally out of the question – especially as we’re aware not everyone can afford to splash out on a vibrator.  There are some safe items you can fashion and use as sex toys.

Recently we’ve seen the use of homemade sex toys and DIY sex toys rise as people look for things to increase the intimacy and get sexy at home. Cucumbers, hairbrushes, mobile phones… these are all things people have experimented with during masturbation. Firstly, I don’t think any of us really want our mobile phone stuck inside us! Secondly – and most importantly – this is very dangerous. Inserting objects like this can upset the natural balances of your vagina and cause all sorts of infections.”

Homemade sex toys and DIY sex toys can be safe.


  • Feathers

Tease and titillate your partner with the soft, delicate touch of a feather. Using feathers during sex is a great way to build anticipation and leave your partner gasping for your touch. Trace your lover’s body with the feather to heighten their sensations, leaving nerve-endings tingling from head-to-toe.

If it’s more intense pleasure you’re after, you can try using a vibrator while your partner teases your neck, nipples and inner thighs with a feather.

  • Ice cubes

One of the most exciting sex-sations can be found right in your freezer (no, not the expired breakfast burrito you should’ve thrown out weeks ago — please get rid of that). Temperature play can stimulate your nerve endings in intense ways during sex. And when ice so easy to make, why not give it a try?

Temperature play can be a fun way to try out new sensations and increase sensitivity. Use an ice cube during oral sex, to tease nipples and to create light puddles you can both lick off each other’s bodies.

Start by sucking an ice cube, before taking it out and giving your partner oral sex. At the same time, you can use that same ice cube to trace along their inner thighs. This mixture of hot and cold can really blow their mind. Don’t forget to take it in turns because trust us, being on the receiving end is amazing.

  • A tie/ribbon/piece of fabric

If you don’t have an old tie knocking around, you could also try a ribbon or a piece of fabric to use as a blindfold. Shutting one of your senses naturally intensifies the others, which means you’ll be extra receptive to your partner’s touch.

Blindfolds are a great way to explore power during sex, giving you both a chance to play the dominant role. For lots of us, not being able to see also reduces inhibitions, which means you’ll be less focused on your ‘O face’ and more focused on every movement your partner makes. Start by kissing their neck before nibbling their nipples and licking every inch of their body. The teasing will drive them wild.

  • Your shower head

This one might sound as cliché as using your electric toothbrush, but ye olde shower head is much safer. There’s a reason why masturbating in the bath or shower is so popular. Firstly, you’re already naked… you’re wet and slippery, you’re relaxed, and you have some time to yourself.

Take the shower head and press it against your clitoris starting from cold to warm. If you have a fancy shower head with different intensity settings – now’s your chance to finally try them out. If you have a waterproof vibrator you can also use this alongside the shower head for double the sensations.

  • A scarf

A scarf is an item of many talents, apparently. Ask your partner to tie your wrists together, or to your headboard, and try your own power play scenario. With your hands (and even your feet) tied, you won’t have any say in where your partner touches or squeezes. This will leave you feeling exhilarated, begging them for more. Just be sure to establish your boundaries and safe words before you start playing

  • A spatula

The flexible design of a spatula makes for a very handy spanking tool.  Simply bend over your partner’s lap, or ask them to bend over you, and bite your lip as you prepare for the satisfying sensation of the spatula spanking your bottom.

If you want to be extra naughty, try using your favourite vibrator at the same time. This combination of pleasurable pain and your pulsating clitoris will quickly become a new favourite.

  • Food

Some food cupboard and fridge items that you may have can work well incorporated into your sexual experimentation. Honey, whipped cream and melted chocolate can give you a completely new experience and, although it’s messy, it engages all of your five senses.

Remember that too much sugar around your vagina can encourage yeast, so keep the food play centred around your lips, nipples, tongue, neck, belly button, toes – whatever you’re into.

  • Cucumber

    It might seem cliché, but for good reason — the dependable cucumber might be the oldest masturbatory veggie of choice out there. They come in a variety of lengths and girths and are extremely firm, making them ideal for penetration. Once you’ve picked one out, be sure to wash it and put a condom on it before use.
  • Banana

Head to the grocery store and then, yes, drop that sucker between your legs. Do we really have to explain? Just remember to cover any phallic fruits or vegetables with a condom before inserting them.

  • Stockings

Take advantage of this fall wardrobe staple in the bedroom. After going through all the trouble, it takes to get these stockings on and off, you deservea sexy reward. Get creative and incorporate them into some BDSM play with a partner. Wrap them around your eyes a few times as a blindfold or tie them around wrists or ankles and secure them to your bedposts as restraints.

  • Back Massager

    You can massage your neck, your back… or you can try a sexier massage with this vibrator-substitute. Experiment with different angles and vibration patterns and intensities to figure out what works for you. (And don’t forget to properly clean it before putting it back on your desk chair.)

  • Bathtub

    Your next relaxing night in just got a lot steamier. Position your erogenous zones under a running bathtub faucet for a continuous stream of pleasure. Try experimenting with different pressures and temperatures until you find what works best for you. Bonus: Once you’ve finished, just slide back into the bath and drop in a bath bomb to continue unwinding.

  • Washing Machine

    We all remember that iconic Mad Men moment in which Betty Draper discovers the vibrating powers of her washing machine — and it was no Hollywood illusion. The spin cycle might be one of the oldest vibrators out there. Does a pair of shoes in the dryer do it for you? Play around with different load sizes and laundry items like they’re settings on your Magic Wand.

  • Your Cell Phone

    You know you’ve thought about it — your phone already vibrates, after all. You don’t even need to turn your alert settings up to get off; there’s an app for that.In fact, there are a few apps that turn your phone into a vibrator, and they’re listed discreetly in the “Health & Fitness” section of the iTunes Store. Just peruse, download (almost all of them are free), clean and cover your phone with a body-safe silicone case and go to town. Your iPhone might not have enough vibrating power to make you come, but it’s an easy at-home start.

  • Face Cleansing Brush

    You may already know how the vibrations of a face cleanser can work wonders for your complexion. What you may not be familiar with is how that buzz-buzz could make you come if you place the back end (brush side facing out) of the face cleanser against your clit. Orgasms may improve your complexion on their own.

  •  Hairbrush

Raise your hand if one of the first things you masturbated with was a hairbrush handle (raises hand). The ribbed handle on this gel grip adds extra pleasure. Just make sure to wash with antibiotic soap and water after each use.

  • Belt

    Bondage ropes can be hot, but having your partner simply pull off the belt they wore to work in the heat of the moment and use it to restrain you can be even hotter.

  •  Electric Toothbrush

Battery run out on your fancy grown-up vibrator? Have your partner hold the handle of their electric toothbrush against your clit (just make sure to wash after use!).

Home Alone & No One To Play With? Get Ready to Push Your Limits with Solo BDSM

What’s a kinky single to do? Flipping through profiles at FetLife or settling in for another night of endless internet clips isn’t always enough to satisfy your kinky cravings. You need to get some action now!

Maybe you already have a date for Friday, and who knows – it might pan out and you’ll meet that sexy submissive or domme you desire. But in the meantime, you need a little playtime. Of course, you could always find a local professional to help you out, but why not experiment with solo BDSM. There are plenty of challenging and exciting ways for you to stimulate yourself in the comfort and privacy of your own home.


Whether you’re a dom or a sub, you probably love the feel of ropes. For doms, it’s a great way to practice your technique. If you don’t have ropes handy there are plenty of other things around the house you could try, including, belts, scarves, or bandages. Tying yourself up can be tricky but with a little creativity it can be more exciting than you think. Check out this link for great self-bondage ideas. For an extra kick, throw a little flogging in, that’s if you have a free hand.

For safety sake, make sure you don’t get yourself into something you can’t get out of, and be aware that using gags can be dangerous when you’re alone. If you want to a try a ball gag alone without risking suffocation, try a whiffle ball with a scarf threaded through for a breathing passage.


When you control your orgasm, you can achieve and maintain a high level of arousal for a prolonged period before coming. Sounds great, right? What delicious torture! It can be very intense to tease yourself into hovering just a notch before climax, and when you finally decide to let yourself come, the orgasm is often bigger and better than usual. Even if you would normally be the one to tie and tease your partner, there’s always value in learning to control your own orgasms.

Alone, you have total control over the speed, feeling, and level of pressure. Try masturbating until you reach the plateau phase just before climax, then slow down just enough to avoid orgasming. Keep yourself at this level if you can before ultimately come or deny yourself altogether for some good ole orgasm denial. Make the clock your master – once you slow down to avoid climax, vow to keep yourself in blissful torture for a prescribed amount of time. I’m guessing even 3 minutes would be an eternity!


In need of a little punishment? Try flogging yourself! For some, flogging is all about the pain, but most will report that the real excitement comes from the release of endorphins. You’ll find it easy to whip your back and legs and with a little practice you’ll also be able to get at your backside. For those new to flogging, please read flogging basics and important safety information. Don’t have a flogger? Watch Drew Lion demonstrate how to make your own.


Is CBT your thing? Don’t wait for a mistress to stomp on your balls or put you on a very tight leash. It’s do-it-yourself time! CBT can range from edge play to more sensual acts. Take that tie off your neck and wrap it tightly around your cock and balls. Or pick up a ball stretcher to really expose your nuts to light whipping, dripping wax, or icy sensations.

Need some inspiration too, ladies? Consider clamps, clothes pins, mousetraps, or chopsticks with elastics. Throw in a bit of pussy paddling and spanking for good measure. Just remember to keep the circulation flowing and the temperature at a level that is safe.


You can be alone at home and still find a playmate to interact with online. I’ll give you two suggestions.

The less expensive option is to join a BDSM dating site with live video and audio chat rooms, make new friends, and have really naughty webcam sex. Hopefully you’ll also meet someone local, so you don’t have to top yourself forever. These sites are good value, usually under $30 a month to be part of a thriving BDSM community.

For immediate satisfaction, you can seek out live cam sites. Top or bottom, BSDM cam sex can be very good. If you’re a sub, find a dominatrix or very dominant cam girl who can cook up a scenario and tell you what to do. For doms, it can be a real buffet. Going for a private session is going to set you back. I recommend spending time in the open chat rooms and asking different women about their limits before treating yourself to some one-on-one.

What are your thoughts? Who’s tying themselves up and who’s teasing themselves to new heights of ecstasy? Dare to share?

25 Turn ons for Girls

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When you pull me over to your side of the bed in the morning.

    1. Because we are still waking up, and

there is no better way to do that than in a handsome guys arms.

When you tell me you think I’m beautiful.

Beautiful holds so much more weight than pretty or gorgeous, especially when a guy drops it unexpectedly when you are both just chilling out in your lounge wear.

When you compliment me on something non-physical.

I love it when you tell me how funny, kind, intelligent, or deep I am because it re-assures me that you are not just with me for my body. (But don’t stop telling me I’m beautiful either.)

When you are kind to total strangers.

When you get up for the elderly and pregnant ladies on the subway, or you stop to chat to a stranger on the street and pet his dog; my heart does a major backflip in my chest.

When you touch my knee under the table.

It doesn’t need to be anything more than your leg gently brushing mine, but it definitely heats things up a whole lot and gets me thinking.

When you remembered what I told you three weeks ago.

I’m always wondering if you are really listening to me. So when you do something thoughtful like treating me to lunch at that restaurant I told you I loved, or you secretly read my favorite book and then share your thoughts on it, I’m blown away.

When you make me laugh.

Who doesn’t love laughing? Make my sides hurt with laughter and you’ll instantly be more attractive than you were five minutes ago. Bonus points if you are able to laugh at yourself, too.

When you whisper in my ear.

It doesn’t matter so much what you are saying to me, but having your face so close against mine and feeling your warm breath against my ear just kind of does it for me.

When you give me a massage after a long, stressful day.

Even if you just massage my neck or my feet, I won’t be able to stop thinking about you touching me in other places.

When you gently touch my hair.

When you tuck a strand of my purple hair back behind my ear it is such an innocent act but gets me falling hard for you every time.

When you surprise me.

Something as small as showing up with my favorite candy bar, or picking a flower on your way over to my place and giving it to me, or something as extravagant as a romantic weekend away it doesn’t really matter what the surprise is, because it all shows that you are thinking about me.

When we wake up and you are already making coffee.

You can stay over ALL the time if this is what mornings look like with you.

When you are a total gentleman.

Most girls still like a bit of chivalry and to be treated like ladies. Open the door for us, hold our hand when were crossing the road, or pull the chair out for us at dinner and well be putty in your hands.

When you are quietly confident.

Women love confidence, but not the showing off kind. When you are standing tall, but sitting back, and quietly taking your surroundings in that is sexy as hell.

When you pulls my legs onto your lap when we are watching TV.

My feet feel like they’ve been transported to a spa, and your hands caressing my legs feels amazing.

When you touch me lightly.

Nothing is more of a turn off than a guy who doesn’t rush things girls LOVE the build up. Touch us lightly, softly, and subtly all over our arms, legs, neck, and face and well go from zero to ten in no time.

When you text me cute random messages.

It could be something as small as, hope you are having a great day, or I can’t wait to see you tonight. It doesn’t really matter what you say, it is the simple act of letting me know you are thinking of me that gets me going.

When you cook us a candle-lit dinner.

Girls love food, even those of us who order salads when were on a date with you. Even if you can’t cook and the meal ends up being terrible, well still think you are awesome for going to all that effort. And well want to say thank you.

When you don’t just kiss my lips.

That sweet spot behind my ears, the back of my neck, and my forehead are all sensitive areas for us ladies and huge turn ons. It mixes the usual make-out session up, and adds to the anticipation of your lips finally meeting mine.

When you carry my suitcase and yours.

It is not that I’m incapable of carrying my own bag, it is just lovely when someone unexpectedly takes the weight off and makes my life a little easier. The image of a man quietly showing me his strength is super sexy.

When you lift me up literally.

Maybe its because Ive seen Dirty Dancing one too many times, but I’m a sucker for being lifted up, or spun around. The feeling of our bodies fitting next to each other feels sensual and spontaneous, and you’ll win my heart every time.

When you are patient.

When you are happy to wait however long it takes, whether it comes to getting physical or getting ready in the mornings, the happier I’ll be with you. You won’t believe the number of times other guys will have tried to rush me, so when you give me the time I need its refreshingly sweet and so noticed.

When you smells incredible.

Yes, I want my man to look good, but the right smell can light up my senses, and magnetically draw me closer and closer to you.

When you wear a tux or tailored suit.

There is nothing more attractive than a guy who is suited and booted and looking like a straight up ten outta ten. As long as you are wearing it with confidence, you’ll instantly look hotter and more powerful in my eyes.

When you come up behind me and hug me.

When I’m doing the dishes, putting my makeup on, or cooking dinner, and you put your arm around my waist from behind, and maybe also kisses my neck This is GOLD.